How I found that Bengal is filled with ‘meat-eating vegetarians’

As a deeply secular, liberal and progressive particular person, you possibly can think about how I’ve felt about this nation since 2014. Sure, the BJP gained the 2014 elections, however that was due to all these Hindi talking states. Okay, Gujarat and Maharashtra will not be Hindi talking states, however shut sufficient. What about Karnataka? There is all the time an exception someplace to each rule. Just like the primary previous the publish electoral system. It was good for sixty years. Suddenly in 2014, it was the worst.
But I’ve struggled to clarify issues which have occurred after the 2014 election. First, the BJP swept all of the states within the northeast. And now, the BJP has momentum on its facet in states like Odisha and Telangana. The BJP is now polling a stable 15 per cent of the vote in Kerala and gaining floor in Puducherry. And then, there may be Bengal.
Oh man, this hurts. Et tu, Bengal? All these many years we leftists spent in Delhi and New York glorifying the poverty of Calcutta and that is the way you repay us? According to the 2011 census, Bengal had the very best variety of beggars per lakh of inhabitants. I assumed we had been mates. You beg on the road. I take a photograph of you begging after which go beg for an award at a movie pageant in Paris or Berlin. Our left-wing economists go to America to beg for Nobel Prizes. We are all on this collectively.
I used to be confused. According to my effectively accepted scholarly theories, the BJP was a celebration of Hindi talking vegetarians. No, wait! Make that occasion of higher caste, Hindi talking, vegetarian, cisgender, able-bodied males. Then how would I clarify the BJP’s huge good points everywhere in the northeast, Bengal, Odisha, Telangana, Karnataka and now even Kerala or Puducherry?
They say that when doubtful, learn extra. And that’s what I did. So I started studying up the works of everybody who already agrees with me. I pored over pages of the New York Times, the Washington Post and scanned articles by some beloved Indian journalists who had been current at my final award ceremony. Surely I used to be not the one one affected by the post-2014 stress dysfunction.
Some patterns started to emerge. Like ‘undeclared emergency.’ Even if I can’t see it, I can imagine that it exists. This continued for some time till I chanced upon a report by the well-known V-Dem institute based mostly in Sweden. They have concluded that India is now an ‘electoral autocracy.’
That’s once I had my epiphany. When confronted with proof that contradicts my assumptions, I don’t should reject my assumptions. I can fake that each are true on the similar time.
How? By merely juxtaposing the labels. For instance, if I had been to say that India is presently below a state of emergency, I may get contradicted on information. But if I admitted that India is just not below emergency, it could contradict my beliefs. But what if I stated ‘undeclared emergency’? Then, I don’t should reject the information nor do I’ve to reject my beliefs. I can maintain them each. Because undeclared emergency doesn’t truly imply something, I win.
Similarly, if I say that India is an autocracy, no person would imagine me. After all, which autocratic nation would permit protesters to occupy a freeway and actually construct pucca homes on it? But if I admitted in any other case, it could damage my emotions. So how about I say ‘elected autocracy’? Because no person is aware of what meaning, they’ve to simply accept my model of the story.
Like ’eminent citizen.’ If I advised somebody that they aren’t a citizen, they might really feel insulted. On the opposite hand, if I admitted that I’m equal to different folks, I might really feel insulted. That is why I’ve all the time referred to as myself an eminent citizen. As with so many different issues, the Communists figured it out first. Think ‘People’s Republic.’ I select a label I would like after which I add a qualifier which no person understands. Now, it might probably imply something that I would like it to imply.
Armed with these revelations, I had my answer. Everyone who votes for BJP is higher caste, Hindi talking, vegetarian, cisgender and able-bodied male. Even the females (I get bonus woke factors for realizing this). What in regards to the Bengalis who’re voting for BJP? They are merely ‘Bengali Hindi-speakers.’ And what of the BJP voting Bengalis who love their fish and meat? No downside. They are ‘meat-eating vegetarians.’
Problem solved. Article in The Washington Post coming quickly…